But love isn't that simple . Fact is, there are more, less obvious subjects that men wish you'd reserve for your girlfriends. If you are wooing a fellow, never bring up the following five "turnoff subjects"
Turnoff subject one : all of the lovable things your pet does.
We think about pets as noble beasts, as partners in adventure . Which makes it disturbing when you start talking baby talk to them. "Nipsy, wipsy. Your mommy loves you, oh, yes she does." Coddling a pet makes men suspect that your perfect companion is completely reliant upon you for food, permits you to dress him up in colourful wool sweaters, and can be castrated if he starts acting too frisky.
Turnoff topic two : your belief in alternative medicine.
I was talking to a lady at a bar lately, and we were really connecting ... Till she started telling me about visits to her vitaminologist. "He told me I had happiness stuck in my bladder." no matter how crucial you will feel it is to share your religious side, remember : When you let us know about your experiences with aromatherapy, reflexology, or crystals, all we hear is not stable, unstable, unbalanced.
Turnoff subject 3 : How impressed you are with what others make.
I was out with my most important friend, Greg, who goes to law school. We met one girl who started assessing the bunch : "Oh, my God, there are so many law-school men here tonight. You know, in their first year out of college they make $119,000!"
You don't have to persuade us that you are blind to material possessions. But ogling a man's salary check -- ours or somebody else's -- makes us feel a bit like you're attaching our worth to our wallets. And we all know there is always going to be someone out there with deeper pockets than ours.
Turnoff topic 4 : How gorgeous the view is.
When challenged by natural beauty, men like to consider it in silence. Ladies, for whatever reason, feel forced to talk at just the instant when we most desire quiet. I spent a week on a Mediterranean island with a group that included 4 girls who never met a nightfall they could not ruin. ( "That pink is so deep. I believe it's, like, the deepest pink I have ever seen." ) They failed to get the gag when my chums and I tried to give them a little taste of their own medicine : "Look at that water! It is just, like, so wet."
Turnoff topic five : Who your favorite stars are dating.
Demi and Bruce break / make up ; Oprah gains / loses 20 pounds. We don't care . Pamela Lee opens her mouth real wide and houses all of Tommy's manhood? O.K, we care. As a rough rule, unless they are exposed, we do not really want to know. Men have far too hard a time keeping right up with their own relations ; the last thing we'd like is the responsibility of keeping abreast of the lives of folks we'll never meet.
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