Death, for most of people, is something that’s, at best, something we don’t dwell on often. It’s something that happens to other people, in other places, far from us. So, when it occurs around us, we are caught off-guard. Being a officiant, you cannot let that happen.
How would you feel if some friend or loved one dies and you are asked to perform the service? Would you give up that responsibility, simply because you're fearful about having never done a funeral before and do not know what words to say? As a clergy-person, you're expected to know these things.
Quite a few years back, I noticed this and I started developing funeral and memorial services. I began calling mortuaries, where I was made aware, among other things, that there is a definite need for clergy to conduct non-denominational services. I made the decision to add performing memorial services and include that with my wedding ministry, so I began putting together a healing ceremony for the occasion.
The hardest things for me had been combating the potential fear about my feelings about being near a corpse as well as trying to figure out what I was planning to say at the service. Prior to my first funeral service, I'd not ever as much as been in attendance at a service, let alone seen a dead body. The first thing you should know is that a corpse looks a lot like a wax dummy. Nothing to be nervous about. This swiftly becomes apparent the spirit has already left leaving behind nothing but an empty vessel.
With regards to the ceremony itself, I shortly discovered that there are not many guidelines out there for funeral ceremonies and virtually nothing available for reverends who wish to officiate at them. What ministers need are some sort of script to follow, like are available for weddings. I did eventually locate a single ceremony from a mainstream religion along with 1 written by a person from another non-denominational religion. Neither was quite the truth I wanted to share, but the ceremony pointed me in the right direction. I then wrote several books which include numerous pages of choices for the different parts in the service. Those books are ‘Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’ and its sequel, ‘More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage.’ These can be purchased through the Universal Life Church Seminary store.
I start my services with an opening statement and a welcome/thank you from the family. Next, I start to talk about why we're gathering â€" for the celebration of the life of someone they have loved. I invite folks to say hello in spirit to the deceased, while I lead everyone in a prayer. I share some about life and death as well as what we had learned from the deceased in his or time time with us. Following that, I begin the eulogy. (I created a standard opening for the eulogy, then I fill it in with the info along with stories I get from the grieving before the ceremony.)
I usually include some biographical information in the beginning of the eulogy, which will remind everyone that the deceased was both a member of the family or group and was, an individual. I usually then talk regarding the value of reminiscing fondly about the deceased|stand up and share stories and ask everyone there to say a few words. It's common for nobody to speak at the service, but sometimes folks will stand up if they are invited.
At this part of the ceremony, there's more flexibility. I enjoy singing or leading people in 'Amazing Grace' during memorials. Not everyone is comfortable initiating this, but there still could be room to have a musical introduction. Just be sure that the funeral director is aware if a tape or CD needs to be played. The directors generally already know about this. After the song, there can be a lighting of a candle, reading of scripture or reciting of some poetry The closing is usually a prayer and a benediction..
If the body is going to be interred (buried), then I often follow the family to the burial site (unless I'm already there), and say some words of scripture, the Lord's Prayer, plus the words for the interment - (offering the body from whence it came, and so on.) I don't always do the service in that order; I will readily change it, as the circumstances dictate. It is wise to show up ready for anything.
I've found that funeral services are a unique place to teach, understand myself and others better, as well as to help others release their grief. The single most important thing to keep in mind when you are performing a service is that it is imperative for you, as the clergy-person, keep a lid on your own personal emotions. There is going to be a whole lot of folks around you in pain as well as grief. It's not your job to match their emotions. Rather,it’s your job to separate yourself emotionally and show your compassion, yet still be strong, so that the bereaved can lean on you as well as During times of mourning, you, the reverend, are central in bringing comfort as well as hope to the grieving, so it is crucial that you give them the total freedom to open up and express their emotions.
ULC officiants are not likely to conduct funeral services held in churches because the church’s own pastor would be asked and would most likely be the one to conduct the ceremony.
REMEMBER that there's no one special way to perform a memorial service. The essential aspects are to have reverence for both the deceased and those mourning, to continue the cultural tradition of how we lay to rest our deceased, to ask for guidance from The supreme being blessings as well as peace in their period of sorrow and mourning, the reverence of God’s promise of eternal life to those that believe.
It is important throughout this time, to set people's minds at ease. They may possibly be experiencing grief, uncertainty about the fate of their loved one after death, frustration, worry, etcetera. It is really your job to recognize those emotions and do your best to ease their minds.
If you do not have a basic script of things to say at a memorial service, the Universal Life Church Seminary has made two books available which have every thing you might need and/or you can also have those words emailed to you if the service is scheduled to happen with little notice|happening in a very short. It’s a good idea to be ready though and each clergy-person really should have a copy of ‘Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’, along with the sequel, ‘More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage’.
Author Resource:
Rev Amy Long has written several books on how to conduct memorials. Follow the link for more information. The Universal Life Church Seminary offers a lot of free training and free mini-courses, in addition to free online ordination, so you can perform weddings, create a church, or follow your dreams.
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