In an attempt to be considerate, it is becoming more and more common for people to put the notation no gifts on their invitations to weddings or other parties. Although it is a nice idea in theory, it can actually lead to some dilemmas. This is advice on the no gifts wedding for both the bridal couple and their guests.
First of all, as nice as it seems to request no gifts for your wedding, it is technically not the correct etiquette. Surprised? Here you were trying to do something nice for your guests, and come to find out that it is actually poor manners; that can be a blow. The reason why it is not polite to make a no gifts notation on an invitation is because being invited to something never actually requires giving a gift. By writing no gifts , it is implies that otherwise a gift would be mandatory. Think of it as the flip side of the rule of etiquette which states that bridal registry information should never be included in a wedding invitation. The subject of gifts is properly ignored, and left to the discretion of the recipients.
But let s say that you truly want nothing more than to have your loved ones with you when you get married. This is most often the case when the bride and groom are older and have already established households and do not need anything additional for their homes (in fact, in many cases, when two adults get married, they already have double of everything, and the last thing they want is a third toaster). The best way to handle this situation is the same way in which one would spread the news of a bridal registry: through word of mouth. People are bound to ask the bride and her mother where the couple has registered, which is the perfect opportunity to inform them that the couple genuinely prefers to receive no gifts.
From the other side, there is the matter of the wedding guests. Whether the no gifts mandate was made on the wedding invitation or spread by word of mouth, well meaning brides and grooms may be surprised to hear that it makes some guests feel uncomfortable. There are plenty of generous people out there who cannot bear the thought of skipping a gift to commemorate a special occasion like a marriage. There may also be a few cynics in the crowd who think that no gifts is really just a sneaky way of trying to get cash from the guests (even though this is rarely the case). This is why etiquette really prefers that guests not be told what to do when it comes to gift giving occasions.
If you are a guest who simply cannot abide the idea of not giving a wedding gift, but who also wants to honor the bride s wishes, there are a few possibilities. One option is to give the bride or the couple a gift that is related to the wedding. You could offer to pay for the wedding cake, or perhaps get wedding jewelry gifts for the bride. If the bride is still uncomfortable with this gesture, you can combine wedding gifts like jewelry with another gift giving occasion such as her birthday or Christmas. This route could work well for a close family member like an aunt. The more casual guest who sincerely wishes to do something in honor of the marriage could make a donation in the bride and groom s names to their favorite charity. That is a solution to the no gifts wedding that is sure to make everyone feel good.
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