"When you are experiencing a major life change—you are no longer who you were, but you are not yet who you are becoming." Laura Day
Did you ever look at someone and think they had the perfect life—only to find out some crisis they have been dealing with--unknown to you? I am convinced that everyone goes through several difficulties in their life at one time or another. Some common scenarios:
Losing a partner or spouse through either death or divorce; Living paycheck-to-paycheck would have been an improvement. Working at a job you hate. Feeling helpless as you watch your child go through their own life crisis.
Sure, I know that surviving a crisis shapes us—but why does it have to be hard? Have you ever caught yourself thinking some of these:
Shoulda, coulda, if onlys. Wouldn't it be great to rewind some life chapters and have a do-over?
Family recipes. Instead of that special dish you always make at Thanksgiving, don't you wish you could put your "hard knocks" knowledge down on a recipe card and give it to your kids or friends so they didn't have to suffer like you did?
What is God thinking? "I try to do the right thing; I'm considerate of my friends and family; I work hard; don't curse much (unless I drop something); give to the needy—then why is God doing this to me?"
Your own Godfather movie. Despite being such a good person (see above), you can't help but visualize your ex or a boss or ______ (fill in the blank) in a room and... (Well...you get the picture.)
Read the book, saw the movie. "I'm intelligent enough; surely, I could have learned that valuable life lesson an easier way."
Hopefully, you're on the bright side of some of these life's trials. But if you're facing a new drama, here are some things to remember:
Take a step. Sometimes as our world collapses around us, we get into an "O' woe is me" mode. Start to identify what you can do (and then do it). Sure, there may be things out of your control, but take back control of your life instead of whining.
Focus on today. It's easy to get into a chain reaction worry-tail spin. One example could be--you imagine making a mistake at work, getting fired, not finding a new job, losing your home and you end up living in a box (my personal fear). Identify what you can do today and focus on that.
Reframe. After surviving your own personal soap opera, you reflect how much you've learned through it all. Look at your situation using a different perspective or lenses. Consider what you might be learning while you're going through the next dramatic episode. What could be the opportunity?
Let go. If you've ever given your well-meaning advice to a loved one, you know it doesn't usually work. As part of our human condition, we all need to learn our own lessons. (I know—I don't like it either.) Remembering the Serenity Prayer ("God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"). It's perfect for so many situations, isn't it.
Hindsight. When you know better, you do better. You made the best choice you could at that time. As one of my coaches told me (more than once), "How very human of you." You are enough—just as you are.
Just as you are amazed how much you've already survived in your life--you'll get through this challenge as well. You will get to know your own strength.
Author Resource:
Certified life coach, Jane Falter, author of the popular 7 Keys for your Great Corporate Escape, helps disenchanted employees reinvent themselves. To claim your free copy and sign up for her newsletter, visit her web and blog site http://www.janefalter.com . Jane delivers her comprehensive coaching programs to individuals over the phone and to groups and at live events.
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