Has getting back together with your ex has been playing on your mind? You need to do some soul searching and honestly answer some tough questions. Even if you really do want to try again but, do you know if your ex does? There must have been a time when everything in your relationship was going well. Or was your marriage bad from the start? Can you remember when things started to go wrong that eventually led to the break up? Something must have gone wrong at some point, do you know what and why? Are you clear on what your main marriage issue was really about?
It's very unlikely that you could successfully repair your marriage without fully understanding the root cause of the break up. I'm sure neither of you wants to make the same mistakes all over again and run the risk of splitting up again, for good.
Something went wrong and the marriage needs to be rebuilt on a very strong foundation if it is to last. Feelings of regret, remorse, guilt won't solve the problem. And believing "it was all their fault" or pretending that nothing was wrong, certainly isn't how to save a marriage. So what is?
First, before you bring the idea of reconciliation to the table, think long and hard about your role in leading to the break up. Be painfully honest with yourself and accept responbility for your role. Then take active steps to fix it.
One of the greatest pieces of advice on relationships is simply to communicate! Communication is one of the most powerful tools we have and yet we either don't use it or we don't really know how to use it. If you really want to win your wife or husband back, first talk to each other see how interested both of you are in saving your marriage.
If you believe you are at least somewhat at fault, and I imagine you are, be prepared to apologize. An apology isn't just saying you are sorry. It is acknowledging what you did wrong, taking steps to repair, and taking actions that will reassure your partner that it will never happen again.
If you believe that you ex was at least partially responsible, this is where communication skills play a vital role. Discuss your marriage problems with them without blaming or attacking them and work get to the root causes. If your ex has already made an effort to fix the issues, great. If they are prepared to make an effort, as you undoubtedly are, also great. If either of you fail to make the effort to redress the issues, getting back together again will be short lived will ultimately end in divorce.
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