Shame is part and parcel to any experience that you indulge or endure, wherein you think others would think less of you if they only knew. It's the pervasive feeling for battered men in abusive relationships.
It's the feeling underlying the thought:
- If your business associates knew what you put up with at home...
- If your friends knew how your wife emasculates you...
-If your neighbors understood what happens behind your closed doors...
Here you are weighing in at 50 to 100 pounds more than this "frail" woman whom you are financially supporting. You are probably 4 to 12 inches taller than she. You may even be more educated and the only one in the family holding down a "real" job.
Yet, when you are in the privacy of your own home, you are the subservient spouse coming up short on the power stick. That is if you have any power at all. In many cases you may only have the "power" awarded you so as to keep you doing and being as your abusive wife requires.
You hate being bullied by a woman. The emotional and verbal abuse taunts you in the quite moments of your day. You know something is "wrong" with your marriage, yet you feel powerless and ineffectual in your ability to make things different.
Your shame helps you keep this whole mess in—not to be noticed by those on the outside. And this blanket of shame, while it does indeed keep your embarrassment private, it also has a huge price. It keeps you feeling totally alone.
You think that you will be stigmatized by society when you show your hand. And there may have even been an occasion when the heat blew through the roof at home and you dialed 911. Little do you know that the boys in the blue would laugh at you in disbelief when you spoke of being beaten up by your wife.
It's no wonder that shame stays with you and colors your day. Shame keeps you safe from society stigmatizing you with being a battered man in your own home by a woman half your size.
When you muster the courage to shatter the shield of shame and find the right help for your predicament, you open the door to break the cycle of intimate partner abuse in your life. This is the ultimate power that you hold in your abusive relationship.
Author Resource:
For more information to help battered husbands , visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/abused_men.php . Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps men and women recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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