So, you’re desperate to win back your ex. You’re positive you want him back in your life. Unfortunately, everything you’re doing seems to create distance rather than togetherness. Simply put, you’re striking out. You keep asking yourself, “what more can I do,” or, “what am I doing wrong?“ It seems like you’re doomed to fail. Right now, it may be helpful to realize there are lots of people who’ve been where you are. A lot of them found success by following simple, proven methods. Here’s some advice to help you get the results you want.
At this moment, you’re probably feeling desperate and willing to try anything. This is part of the problem. Our natural inclinations often get us into trouble. Our first instinct is to let them know we’re interested. We behave in ways that will push them further away. Think back to a time when you were repelled by someone who was pursuing you too aggressively. When vigorously pursued, we back up. It’s human nature. Trying to get around this fact is a total waste of time.
Right now it’s time to go against your feelings and use a little reverse psychology. I’ll bet you feel like reaching out, calling your ex, letting him know you’re thinking about him. You may be texting, using any available angle as an excuse for communication or contact. All of your thoughts seem to gravitate toward getting your ex back into your life. In your current state, you probably don’t realize you’re doing this. To be blunt, you need to stop immediately. Stop calling, texting and obsessing. Cease all communication.
I’ll bet you’re wondering what this will accomplish. You’re probably asking yourself, “how can I get my ex back if we’re not even speaking?”
Here’s the next step, get a fresh start with a new game plan.
Terminate all contact. Focus all your time and energy on yourself. Take time to care for your needs. Take a good hard look at what you can improve in your own life. During this difficult time, it’s common to neglect proper nutrition, exercise and rest. Breakups take a toll on your health. There is no easy way to do this. You must commit to the process. Work on yourself and stop any attempts to communicate with your ex partner. It will take guts and determination to move forward.
While you’re taking time for yourself, your ex will likely begin to notice the space between you. You will no longer be available, interested or running after him in any way. Naturally, he will be become curious. This space will allow him the opportunity to relax, settle down and begin to think about the breakup. He’ll experience freedom, separation and the inevitable thoughts that accompany those states. He will be much more likely to miss you and think about you if you’re truly absent. Prior to this state, while still communicating, it was impossible for him to miss you or truly know what your absence felt like.
Stay committed to the process. Keep your distance. Remember, you’re trying to work in concert with the way people actually think and respond. No one likes to be stalked, smothered or harassed. This is one of the key methods for facilitating communication. Remember, absence makes the heart fonder. There is truth and wisdom in this old saying. What happens as a result of true, legitimate distance is a shift in the balance of power. If you’re too available and needy, this will repel your ex. In your absence, your ex will have the opportunity to remember the real you, the reasons why you connected in the very beginning.
Allow him the opportunity to make the first move. Take the time to be real about this separation. Work on your own life. Value your time and your unique interests. The more you value yourself, the more others will mirror this value back to you. Be strong and stay occupied without being false about it. Let him pursue you.
Don’t be available at the drop of a hat. On the other hand, when he approaches, be reasonable, don’t be too aloof. This is your best chance for re establishing a connection.
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