Learning how to argue constructively is a valuable relationship skill, it has the power to prevent a lot of relationships from failing due to the fact that arguments would cease to be about winning and losing.
It's simply not realistic to dream of a relationship without arguments, it's a natural process and a useful way of bonding closer with your partner. They key is to know how to argue while always taking care of your partners sense of self worth.
All too often we engage in war with our partner fuelled by anger or hurt feelings. This causes us to lose all logical perspective and it becomes a game of trying to inflict damage. You must learn that the point of arguing is not to win, it's to find harmony once again.
One of the best things you can do for your partner is to be clear about why you are upset. Be exact and give real life examples. Most importantly you must do this without criticizing or threatening your partners sense of worth as a person. If you do not, they will quickly become defensive and work to go against you.
Inside all of us is an ego, it's like an impossible child always wanting its own way. Be aware of this not only in yourself but also in your partner for that is what you are dealing with in arguments.
Think about this, if you win, then the person you say you love must lose... you just can't expect that to ever result in a happy relationship. What you both want is a rewarding relationship, well you only ever get that when both people feel happy through their needs being met. It's entirely possible that YOU may be wrong in this argument, be open to that possibility.
Here's the final thing, learn how to apologize sincerely when you are wrong. It will mean so much to the other person and quite possibly inspire them to do the same whenever they may be wrong in the future.
Real apologies are very powerful in healing emotional wounds and bringing relationships to a deeper and more intense level of trust and security.
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