Everyone who has ever parented a child to adulthood knows the truth of the old adage,
parenting a teenager is like trying to nail gelatin to a tree.
I am parenting my third teen and have lived the truth of this statement. I have to tell you, I have genuinely enjoyed parenting my teenagers, but there are some real no no s I have learned along the way which improved the odds of my teenager enjoyment.
If you are looking for advice for parenting problem teenagers, then you already know how tense things in your home.
So for those of you swimming in challenging teen waters, here are some scenarios you might want to avoid. Especially if your teen has already shown herself to be less then mature.
Don t go out of town for the weekend.
Not and leave your teen alone in your home. Not if you don t want your house to be the weekend party house .
If your teenager has already cracked the trust relationship between the two of you, this is NOT the scenario to let him prove himself on. Sometimes a teen has no intention of challenging the family rules but a friend talks him into it.
Your teen needs your guidance and wisdom, not a lack of boundaries.
Don t put her in charge of painting the house.
Or any other large and important project. That is simply a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
However, she does need to be involved in helping you conquer these large projects. How else will she learn household management, organizing a project, setting goals and subgoals, self initiative, working within a budget, cooperating with a team, and the satisfaction of a job well done? And that s just for starters.
What? Your surly teenager says he doesn t WANT to be involved in these types of projects? You re not listening to that whining, are you? Get him a copy of the children s story The Little Red Hen and yes, read it together.
Don t give her your credit card.
I m always surprised by the number of parents who stress over their problem teen s behavior and then turn around and hand her their credit card because it s so much more convenient .
Do you also find yelling, screaming and heartache convenient? Not to mention a ruined credit score?
Teenagers definitely need to learn fiscal responsibility, but starting out with a credit card (either yours or theirs) is not the way to go. Not if you are interested in sleeping nights.
Don t be surprised by anything they do.
This parenting tip directly relates to the adage at the beginning of this article. Teens, by their very nature are unpredictable, impulsive, and make regular errors in judgment.
So don t be surprised by anything they do. And don t be so naive as to think your teen has it all figured out. He doesn t. He doesn t even know what that would look like.
There is significant brain research that has shown that the teen brain is still developing, especially the regions that control impulsivity and judgment. (For more fascinating information on these studies, see http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/work/onereason.html.)
In a nutshell, our beloved teens are not finished growing yet! They need compassion...and boundaries. Understanding...and accountability. Hugs...and lots of listening as they process the complexities of growing up.
Set up family times that your teen will *want* to be a part of, even secretly. Invite, but don t beg him to join you. Invite his friends. And when you get the chance, listen very carefully to what your teen has to say. Ask questions relating to issues that are important to your teen and then listen attentively and respectively to their answers. Believe me, your teen will take notice of your interest in him and that is irresistible over the long haul.
The best advice for parenting problem teenagers I can offer you is to remember YOU are the adult, not them. They need your perspective, wisdom, compassion, tough love and unfailing belief in them.
That s how they know they can trust and respect you, and once your teen respects you, you will be able to enjoy being a parent again.
Author Resource:
Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 28 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com . Visit her website and find more advice for parenting problem teenagers at http://www.paintedgold.com/Kids/problem-teenagers.html .
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