Did you ever wonder the effects your messy home will have on your children?
I think it's safe to say that most of us have had a messy home at one time or another. Suffice it to say, that along with having things disorganized, we felt a little bit out of sorts and not quite up to par.
But what happens when you live in a constant state of clutter and chaos and your children are exposed to this on a daily basis? What feelings do the children equate with having their environment out of control?
I think it's not uncommon for children to feel confused and somewhat embarrassed living under these conditions. It's understandable then, why they may feel like they are harboring a huge secret and find it difficult to tell anyone, especially their friends.
In some instances, they may even feel like they are letting their friends down when they are not able to reciprocate play dates because of the clutter. They may experience feelings of shame and guilt because they think they are always taking and not giving in return.
From what I understand, it's not so much about how the child is living, as it is the condition of how the family unit lives, that makes kids feel upset. Some children feel endlessly frustrated and resentful when they think they should be provided with a safe, clean house, and may have ambivalent feelings towards their parents when they try to address some of these issues with them.
Reflecting back on her childhood, a client of mine so poignantly stated, "Growing up with clutter all around me inhibited me from being confident. I knew when I went out, no matter how I presented myself to the outside world, when I went home, it was there waiting for me, that crazy mess."
"I even went as far as throwing things out without telling my parents," she said. "The reason being was due to their reluctance to get rid of anything. After finding my artwork and school papers stuffed into the kitchen cabinets, mixed in with cookies and crackers, I figured, what's the sense, just get rid of it. But when I did, my mom would get furious, so that's why I wouldn't tell them!"
A dynamic young woman, in one of my support groups, expressed how she felt clutter was a barrier for a budding relationship she was having during college years. By never having a tidy home she could bring her boyfriend back to, she sensed that it somehow suggested to him that she didn't want to get close. Never telling him what the truth was about her living conditions, she just kept making up excuses until he went back to school, and they eventually went their separate ways.
She even recalls a dream she had not too long ago, where she invites him over and he gets the wrong impression of her. She was terrified not only of the dream, but how after all these years the clutter still has an impact on her.
I think the lesson here is that no matter what our circumstances may be, we are influenced by our upbringing and become products of our environment. Clutter is just another example of showing us how our quality of life is compromised and can have lasting effects on us.
There are various organizations and support groups of which you or someone you know affected by chronic disorganization or hoarding can take advantage. There are a variety of books that you also can find in your local library or book store that can offer insight and guidance on this subject matter.
Silence is not necessarily golden under these circumstances; however, knowledge is power. Be wise; get educated on the facts -- you just may change the course of your life and a child's in the process.
Author Resource:
Patricia Diesel, The Organizing Expert, is author of A Simple Guide to an Organized life and CEO of Keep It Simple Now. Patricia provides professional organizing and life coaching to individuals, entrepreneurs, and corporate arenas. Accomplishments, services, merchandise, and additional information about Patricia can be found at http://www.keepitsimplenow.com .
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