Have you ever heard the term Premature Reconciliation? Most people haven't, so let me explain: Premature reconciliation happens when we try to win back the affections of our ex partner, but go about it the wrong way. We'll start to make headway...but then we'll go way too fast when our ex starts to show signs of reattachment. And BAM! Just like that, our chance is blown.
Let me give you a real life example. A few years ago my friend Caryn broke up with Andy, her boyfriend of 2 years. She loved him, but there were too many issues in their relationship. But Andy was persistent. He kept calling her, and after several talks on the phone, Caryn agreed to get together with him for coffee, as he actually sounded like a changed man.
The big day arrived, they sat at a table at Starbucks, and lo and behold, things were going wonderfully. The connection was still there, the humor and laughter they had in common was still there - it felt like old times! By the time they left the coffee shop, the sparks were flying left and right between them.
Caryn felt it too, so she asked Andy if he wanted to come over later that night. Andy said yes, of course.
To make a long story short, they dated for another few weeks, and then Caryn broke up with him - again. Only this time it was for good.
What happened?
Premature Reconciliation is what happened. You see, even if Caryn asked Andy to get back together, his answer should be "let's take it slow". Why? Because unless Andy has spent a good amount of time looking at what didn't work the first time around, and then taking responsibility to turn it around, the chances of it working out the second time are virtually non existent.
The same thing applies to you - you two didn't break up by accident. If you get back together without seriously addressing the issues at hand, your ex will take you back purely from an emotional need perspective. But once their initial, emotional high ends (usually within days, sometimes weeks), they "wake up", and when they dump you this time, it's permanent. Done.
This is one of the reasons why 99.99% of broken up partners never work things out. Everything is acted out of (distressed) emotions - not logical thinking.
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