I know you've dealt with a similar situation before. Your boyfriend didn't quite remember to take out the garbage when you asked him to, or maybe he left his clothes on the bathroom floor again even though you've told him how much you hate when he does that. You really let it upset you this time. "I hate you," you yell! "You never do anything that I tell you to do! If you truly cared for me, you wouldn't just "forget" like that." Is that really the truth, however?
Two people in a relationship, no matter how compatible the two of them are, will disagree sooner or later. Disagreements are quite natural, and can sometimes be a part of the growth in the relationship as long as the disagreements are resolved to the satisfaction of both partners. The problem, unfortunately, is that most often, one partner chooses to settle even against his or her wishes, and one or both partners never reach a resolution that they are happy with.
So, what are arguments in a relationship all about, exactly? No matter the real circumstances surrounding the altercation, the actual cause is nearly always based around you feeling as though your opinions aren't being respected by your significant other. For example, when you think about it, most people have typical rules about how they should be treated by others around them, especially by those that "really" care for. When one of these rules has been violated, they want to be reassured that the violating person realizes that what they did upset them, and that's what the argument was really all about.
This concept of personal guidelines can be hidden from view, particularly in newer relationships. In the first days, you know very little about him, therefore you have no idea what your significant other's expectations are. If you do violate one of his rules, then you might not even realize it only because it is purposely avoided in order to maintain a good impression.
However, if arguing in a relationship are probably going to manifest, then how do you go about resolving differences to the liking of him and yourself? Well, you can start by being totally honest. You need to express your feelings openly. For example, let us pretend for a minute you and he got into a disagreement about him being late for a date. You get upset, and tell him "if you truly loved me, you'd be here when you say you will." He, unfortunately for you, likely will react by stating, "if you really cared for me, then you would be more understanding that I can't always be perfectly on time."
In this example, the less obvious truth would most likely be that you felt hurt by his lack of punctuality because of your own fear of not being as important as his other commitments. If you told your boyfriend the truth at the time, he would have been much more willing to give you the committment that you were expecting. At that point, you both could have light-heartedly talked about, instead of fighting about, the variances of opinion that you both have on the subject of being on time.
Author Resource:
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