You ask just how any individual could possibly contemplate going on with a marital relationship following an extramarital relationship. Trying to reconcile seems to be to much. And in truth, many couples do not even bother to try. Not all marriages that end in divorce are caused by infidelity but a major chunk do end for exactly that reason.
Nonetheless there are numerous husbands and wives out there that are ready to devote themselves to fixing the wpousal relationship. While the affair was devastating they make the commitment to work through it. This can entail undergoing some rigorous therapy programmes with an established relationship expert.
But of course it does not end there. To fix the marital relationship after the affair requires 3 things.
1. You First
Of course the two of you want to get on with your lives after unfaithfulness. However this isn't going to take place if you do not make an effort to take care of you at the start. This includes the personal pain you are experiencing as well as the negative feelings that are no doubt consuming you.
Cheating can likewise create havoc on your self-esteem. You tell yourself you are useless or that you failed in some manner. Not any of this is accurate obviously however if you don't take care of you from the start it could easily grow to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2 In It Together
After an affair it's difficult to understand exactly how you as well as your mate can start functioning as a team again. Yet for the two of you to remain together that is precisely what must happen.
Embrace the fact that everything is sure to appear impossible starting out. The connectivity is damaged and there is no way you can trust your mate about anything. All this is a given.
You can expect to get disillusioned and occasionally those detrimental images will come resurface with full force but all this means is that you are getting closer to restoring your marriage after an affair.
3. The Marriage Itself
There is work to accomplish in marriage even when both parties are loyal. Following an extramarital affair things take on more urgency. For instance transparency becomes a top priority. You need to see evidence that your spouse is truthful with regards to their day to day routine. This includes who they may be interacting with and where they go.
This in turn should help with the trust aspect. You might not be able to give them the benefit of the doubt all of a sudden. But eventually if the both of you are sincere trust can sooner or later be restored.