I'm not in love anymore, we've grown apart, I've been hurt, I'm furious, I'm offended, I've had enough and right now I just want out!
Is it the end?
Literally hundreds of thousands of married couples around the earth have felt this way as seen in staggering and rising break up rates. Saving a marriage is not simple when the loving trust critical for every marriage has been destroyed by dishonesty, deception, infidelity, anger, lack of esteem or love or time, or sometimes violence, neglect, domination or numerous other factors. Unaddressed and unrestrained these destructive behaviours inexorably lead to the breakdown of the relationship and alas break up.
Over time if neglected a relationship can change from a lovely, caring and fulfilling marriage into an awful, nasty, distressing disaster. Unfortunately societal 'progression' has been such that the significance of the institution of marriage has been reduced to the point that we tend to view separation and starting again as a usual, suitable and indeed desirable option.
As a consequence you can often look to what the subsequent relationship can or will proffer instead of seeking a method to save your marriage. You try to put the past way, way behind you but in this you cheat yourself of the chance to build the type of marriage we are all craving for - a lasting, loving, happy and meaningful bond.
So why can this occur?
Experts and marriage books repeatedly speak of two specifics that we all are aware of although very few understand or think about them in relation to saving a marriage.
First - once we meet somebody new we feel that first intense 'in love' feeling though over time it lessens.
We have all felt that virtually overwhelming feeling of love when we meet someone new and we know we have found 'the one'! It is joyous, amazing and raises us up emotionally and physically. We think about this fresh individual continuously, can't wait to be with them and experience vast and deep joyfulness. We search for ways to be together as often as possible and start discussing a future together.
We understand this takes place. It has occurred to us beforehand, perhaps many times. Sadly, though we have been through this beforehand we can nevertheless be blinded by it's influence and strength into believing that this time it is the genuine thing and it will go on forever.
It doesn't.
These deep feelings felt during what we name the 'honeymoon period' can last up to two years however gradually weaken as reality and familiarity take hold. We realize this happens but often neglect to develop the relationship skillset to continue that 'in love' feeling. These skillsets are also fundamental in saving your marriage. Which brings us to fact number two.
A flourishing relationship does not come about through luck you have to 'work' on a marriage.
Your father probably gave you this counsel before you were married and once more it is information we all understand. Yet some fail to acknowledge it's import or do anything about it before it is too late. When looking at saving your marriage it is extremely vital. Others understand the requirement to work on their marriage however don't understand what type of 'work' is in reality needed for their particular marriage. Consider, for instance, the gentleman who works long hours to afford a larger home, top quality furnishings, expensive cars and clothing who, in this way, expresses his affection. Undoubtedly from his perspective he is working on his relationship. His wife however resents the lack of time together with her husband, gets lonely and the relationship begins to decay. He was working on his relationship but in the incorrect manner.
Marriage books, experts, families and counsellors talk of these two facts as an appreciation of them is vital when building or saving a marriage. Being reminded of them when it seems that the relationship is finished can be the glimmer that sets desperate couples on the way to recovery and even though it can seem that it's the finish it is never too late to rebuild. I have observed marriages apparantly ripped apart by dishonesty and disloyalty grow to be better and stronger than they ever were. It is possible to acquire once more that 'in love' feeling and develop the knowledge to build an unbreakable foundation of genuine love that will survive the test of time.
Saving your marriage is possible. Even though break up rates are high, marriage rates are higher and growing. There is immense value in preserving marriage. One of the immense advantages of the modern age we are in is the huge array of information and help that is accessible to those who will seek after it. The world wide web alone has a vast variety of marriage books, articles and movies aimed at saving your marriage. More than ever we have access to the methods and resources that can enable us to transform our relationship, even at their most awful. The first step is to seek after that information and begin to apply what we learn. This is NOT the end!
Author Resource:
Thomas Parker is a blissfully married dad of three, a firm believer in the institute of marriage and in peoples capacity to change their marriage situations for the better. For more marriage information see here. http://www.marriagebooksonline.com
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