At the age of 34, I have come begun to ask myself some important questions? Do I plan to date again? Should I try internet dating? Do I plan to get married? Should I have a baby? Am I happy with my career? These questions have forced me to make some major changes in my life and decide to do things differently.
Let me be clear about one thing though; I don't hate men. Au contraire! Men are rather exquisite works of art and I've certainly been known to have hours and hours of fun with them. But I've noticed that when I'm on my own, I'm just much happier and content. My own identity gets lost when I'm in a relationship. Something goes awry; I'm just not sure if that's down to me or the guy.
It's only recently that I started feeling this way. When I started dating at 17, and had my first boyfriend at 20, my life's plan went something like this; college, career, then marriage and two children. At least that was the plan. At age 34, the only part of that plan that's come to fruition is the career.
I've dated a strong of Mr. Wrongs over the years, leaving me to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I've tried expanding my horizons and have experimented with all kinds of ways to meet eligible guys. I've allowed my friends to arrange blind dates, I've done the club and bar scene, I attend church. I even signed up for an internet dating service and answered personal ads from the newspaper!
And even though I had a lot of fun along the way and met some really terrific people, the roller coaster ride of highs and lows was beginning to wear. Yes, youth is about having fun, but as I began to mature, that fun wasn't so much fun anymore; it was more like a noose around my neck.
Somewhere along the line, adult life caught up with me. Growing my career, paying the rent and the bills and all the other minutiae of living also contributed to my change in attitude. There came a point when it just wasn't funny anymore when my guy would come home drunk or flirt with other women while out with me.
So, after much reflection, I'm throwing in the towel so to speak. I will grow old as gracefully as possible, and I'll do it alone. The upside? I don't have to share my bed, or someone else's problems. The downside? I don't have anyone to share my bed with for love dovey session at 2 am. Ah well, I have my stack of specialty catalogues and AA batteries!
All in all I love myself. No more worries about unfaithful guys or reminders about how pretty I used to be. I have wonderful friends, a great career; in other words, I have a full life as it is. However, that doesn't mean an occasional steamy affair is out of the question! My single days are starting to look better already, at least for the time being.
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